I feel like screaming while running. There's something about the languid forever heat of Florida that makes me just want to be somewhere else. The suburbia, the strip malls, the shi-shi shops, all of it.
I keep coming back here to "rebuild" in between life phases and I don't know how to get away from this place. My parents are here. Close friends are here. And there have been plenty of coincidental occurrences that, when misinterpreted, said to me --
Stay. Stuck.
Like the time I got rear-ended by a friend while driving my mother’s car, marking the second car of hers I’d totaled.
My companion and I disagreed for a time about which grocery store to go to. He liked to go to the bigger store further away. I loathed the drive down the interstate’s artery and all the manicured apartment buildings and box stores and preferred the smaller store within walking distance. Eventually he joined me in walks to the closer store because my arguments for it were so good he couldn’t deny their logic / he just didn’t want to disagree about it anymore.
I guess I consider it part of my essential nature to wander - I long for a homespace where I set out on foot and can disappear into the woods for a spell. In absence of having that, I planned on wandering for the sake of it on wheels this summer, in the perfected gesture of American ecological destruction, in my RV, perhaps finding a more permanent place to settle in.
I spent all my savings to buy it this winter and then learned it needs a whole new engine. So it sits, waiting for my next windfall, while likely decaying further in other unseen places.
How do you get to the woods without a car?